Defensive Driving in a Global Village 101 (Chapter 1)

In a few short weeks Broadway in 56572 will change from two lanes to four. This is not a repeat of last summer's road construction. It's the arrival of Lesser Minnesotans (if you're not from Greater you must be from Lesser)used to weaving in four to six lanes of rush hour traffic pulling pontoons behind their Escalades. In an effort to keep traffic flowing smoothly, safely, and peacefully, 56572 will be presenting a number of articles on Defensive Driving in a Global Village for our Lesser summer guests, for our Greater neighbors and for the Nodakers.



Life in a global village is fun and exciting as you can tell by reading the news from the past week. Where life can be most exciting is behind the wheel. There are as many driving styles in 56572 as there are languages and hot dishes. Today's first lesson in defensive driving in a global village is how to identify what you're dealing with.

• The Lumina in the photo above does not look like a Somali driver, but it is. Most 56572 Somalis. like 56572 Asians, prefer Asian vehicles, but a Somali prefers an older Asian vehicle.
  
• There is one exterior hint that this could be a Somali - no Bring Home or God Bless our Troops - ribbons. Judging by the dealer sticker I think this was a North Dakota car. I'm pretty sure the stickers with the flags are NRA. Don't hold that against them, I doubt they know what it is.
  
• The strings of prayer beads hanging from the rear view mirror is a major hint.. Nice to see they are wearing seat belts.
  
• Somalis are not speed demons. This gentleman drove a constant 20 mph.
  
• Somalis have a problem with depth perception. This gentleman pulled out on to 59 at Citgo right in front of me. Stopping at a stop sign is optional, but that is a universal problem, especially coming out of Citgo or the DQ.
  
• Somalis use all of the road, no I don't mean they will wander over the stripe into your space, but they will use all of their lane. Oversteering is a common problem when you are not used to power steering.
• Knowing where to stop in an intersection can be problematic. It might be in the center.
  
• You will never see a Somali pulled over for DUI so the swerving is not alcohol related. Moslems do not touch alcohol. I have not yet seen any studies on the effect of khat.
  
• I have no gender specific data to draw on so I cannot tell you which gender of Somali driver is better. I do remember a few years back when a female Somali driver collided with the front of Rick's Super Valu. I feel a hijab could restrict peripheral vision. Hijab behind the wheel? Keep your distance.

Remember, until the fishing opener, you are sharing the streets of 56572 with neighbors who did not start driving when they were fifteen. Drive defensively. Practice patience. Expect the unexpected. Relax, the snow and ice may be history for a few weeks and you can still find a place to park.

Be prepared for the arrival of the Lesser Minnesotans with huge SUVs also the Nodakers in awe of the lakes, the trees and hijab. Stay tuned to 56572 for Chapter 2.