White Feather?

Six years ago a local group by the name of TCWAN met secretly and came up with the following revolutionary idea. The group submitted the document below as a letter to the Editor of the Pelican Press who refused to publish it.

56572 has been asked to make it public now seeing as next year the World's Largest Pelican will turn fifty and needs some work.

As always you may use the comment button at the bottom to submit your comments to us. Knowing 56572's attitude towards change, we are not expecting many.

Dear Fellow Rapidians.

It’s time to change the name of our fair town. A Committee has been formed. Due to political ramifications this small group of hyper-creative souls has chosen to remain anonymous. One of the Committee’s first actions was to give itself the name TCWAN. (The Committee Without a Name)

Using only local historical and legal authorities, with help from the Internet, TCWAN has discovered a (what appears-to-be) very old Minnesota Statute whereby towns under two thousand (or fewer than four stoplights) may with simple local consensus change the name of their town. TCWAN found it interesting that the only real hoop our ancestors left us to jump through was that this could only occur at the passing of a generation or the start of a new Millennium. (whichever occurred first) We interpret this to mean that as long as all those (or their next-of-kin) responsible for naming our town after a bird standing by a river were gone, then who cares! Have at it! TCWAN has taken this to heart. Fellow Rapidians, the time is at hand!

First, let us honor our ancestors who came up with the name Pelican Rapids. These were reasonable people. They could have named the place after one of their kids, but they only had Elizabeth and Erhard so that wasn’t an option. The names of both of their granddaughters Lida and Lizzie had already been taken for larger lakes just to the East. No homage-paying to some soon to be forgotten big-shot family name like Fergus, Breckenridge, Rothsay, Hawley, Audubon, Frazee or Perham.

It must have been pretty obvious what to do. A single bird standing on the riverbank behind the future Post Office or a soaring flock high above the future Rotary Club suspension bridge. Bingo. Reasonable, unpretentious people made a reasonable decision, not wanting to take any of the glory or the spotlight, not leaving any tracks. People just like us.

Before TCWAN divulges it’s initial suggestions for PR’s new name, we know you will want to know our entirely reasonable reasons why:

1) It is a right we have and because of the our timely discovery of this right, the time is now.

2) It is legal, easy and, thanks to Internet databases of geographical names already taken, can be done without hiring a consultant or lawyer.

3) The name Pelican Rapids has served this town well during the past 116 years. TCWAN, to maintain continuity (1st important word for the new Millennium), has and will take both the name Pelican Rapids and our perception of the context of how and why this name was chosen into account in selecting the name for the next Millennium. To avoid confusion at the Post Office we will leave the Zip Code the same.

4) For economic reasons, which in our case include economic development and tourism, Pelican Rapids has become synonymous with Park Rapids, our larger neighbor an hour drive northeast of here. They too have a State Park. It draws more tourists than ours (thus more State funding). They are just over the two thousand limit, so asking them to change their name is not feasible. We are separate and distinct communities and should not be confused.

5) This reason is complicated so read slowly. TCWAN has been informed by the MSHSL (Minnesota StateHigh School League, a very powerful State Agency) that effective ASAP any High School Team with the first word “Lady” would no longer be tolerated. This due to gender equality considerations. (TCWAN discussed at great length the idea that the name “Lady Viking” could be construed to be an oxymoron anyway, it just sounds more like a victim than a perpetrator, but now that it will be illegal anyway, that’s a moot argument). TCWAN is trying to be proactive (2nd important word for the new Millennium) and equitable (3rd important word for the new Millennium). TCWAN believes that in the near future the MSHSL will rule that any team name, which may reflect negatively on any nationality, foreign or domestic, will also be outlawed. So much for our dear Pelican Rapids and Minnesota Vikings. TCWAN further believes due to the ever increasing popularity of competitive sports and the distinct possibility that they may come to rule our lives in the next Millennium, even at the High School level, that when we choose a new name for the town we are, in fact, choosing two names, one for on the water tower and a second, for our children, which must give the impression to our neighbors that our kids are more powerful than theirs, just not so powerful that we would or could hurt anyone. This second name is very important. The word (s) may not be too threatening, may not rhyme with anything vulgar or profane, may not allude to anything sacred or divine or diabolical. TCWAN has done this.

6) TCWAN believes that the new Millennium will be bringing a wave of immigration to our town and the adjacent lakes. Already, we no longer know who are neighbors are and are installing an E911 Emergency system so we can check a computer database and find out who these people are. When we need protection from them, we need help to get here quick. What this means is that all residents outside town (80% of us) will be getting new addresses for the new Millennium. Our old ones no longer suffice. If the majority of us have to change the second line of our address, might as well change the third. It’s cheaper that way.

7) To keep up with the times our local banks have been merging with more modern banks on the West Coast. This to provide us with better service. Many of us still write paper checks and we could save some tree if we did this all at once.

8) Finally, TCWAN believes that the last decade of this Millennium, at least locally, has demonstrated that people no longer know how to think creatively. To encourage creative thinking TCWAN has decided to let the entire world in on the fun. TCWAN will be soon creating a Website http://www.namethattown.com. People from just about anywhere on Earth can help us. TCWAN is seeking donations (we accept VISA,MC,AMEX or DISCOVER on the Website) for the five runners-up. The winner will have the honor which is great plenty. (We are reasonable people). You will of course retain total anonymity to maintain your privacy and physical security.

At the present time TCWAN is working on a limited budget. We can not afford a Post Office Box or a live person to staff a telephone line so the only way you can submit your idea is on our Website. Should donations at our Website permit we might do this. Remember we are seeking two names. A name for our town (geographic or economically positive names preferred) and a second name for our school teams which must have feng shui with the first. You can submit either/or/both. We don’t have a lot of time for this so we’re planning on closing the Website August 31st at 23:59 CDT. School starts the next morning and TCWAN wants local younger creative thinkers to concentrate on their schoolwork. This will provide ample time to order the new uniforms which will be worn during the second half of the Homecoming Game and for learning the new cheers and school song. Whatever name is at the top of the list at that time will win. During the summer TCWAN will meet continuously to judge the entries. This means the list on the Website will always be current so you creative thinkers will know who and what you have to beat and can feed on the creative ideas of our most creative thinkers. Entrants will have to agree to allow TCWAN to put a digital photo of them next to their entry. No names will
be used to guarantee anonymity and after the contest the entire Website will be thrown into the recycle bin. This is taking the Great American Think-off of our Boatville neighbors one step better.

Currently at the Top of the List:

1) Loddawadda, Minnesota and Loddawadda Whitecaps

This name is totally original and not found on any 1999 Microsoft Encarta World CD-ROM, (the
official TCWAN reference tool. TCWAN thinks the name could be a strong candidate for it’s upcoming Namethatstate (http://www.namethatstate.com) competition, but we wanna getta it first. Note that the nickname would be the same for both genders. TCWAN likes the fact that the creative mind behind this entry used geography, topography and local vernacular. The fact that “Fargo” viewers may think we all talk like that is a negative. School colors would be royal blue/white trim for summer and white/royal blue trim for winter. Thought was given to having the nickname change in the winter to Blizzard.

2) 96W46N, Minnesota

TCWAN likes the chances of this name in the new Millennium. It’s the GPS coordinates for our town.TCWAN feels most vehicles will be equipped with GPS and with this name even aliens could find us.This could really stimulate economic development and tourism at the same time. With computer sorting our town goes to the top of any list, even before the A’s unless someone east of us likes our idea and steals it. Positive for economic development, digitally friendly, innovative. No team name yet.

3) White Feather, Minnesota

This name was submitted last month by a local sixth grader who had just finished the Biannual Adopt a Highway Ditch Cleanup south of town along Highway 59. TCWAN likes the fact that the name sounds like it honors the heritage of locals prior to the arrival of Europeans who had taken the wrong fork in the Oxcart Trail and subsequent Incorporation in 1883. So it fits, for the old Millennium. TCWAN also likes the obvious nod to the other white bird, which has made our town what it is today. TCWAN feels the name could be confused with White Earth, but a) it could make tourists think this was where the casino is and stop long enough to look for it, which would be economically favorable and b) it could work in favor of the City Council, when it applies to the state for a casino license later in the Millennium. TCWAN believes casinos will proliferate in the area and a related name would be given favorable consideration. No team name was offered, hurting this entry’s chances. Can you think of one?

That’s it for now. TCWAN can imagine we have fellow citizens who might surmise that TCWAN members have way too much time on their hands. The opposite is true. Time is truly of the essence. TCWAN appreciates the confidentiality and community spirit the Pelican Press is showing us for allowing us to share this historic opportunity, yet remain anonymous.

Respectfully submitted,
TCWAN